The elevator is the last place on earth where strangers stand in silence, shoulder to shoulder, pretending the others do not exist. This list - one of the most forwarded joke pages of the early internet - exists to disturb that silence. We do not technically recommend doing any of these. We simply observe that the list has survived twenty-plus years because everyone who reads it immediately pictures doing all fifty.
The List
- Make race car noises when people get on and off.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.
- Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just SHUT UP!”
- Whistle the same seven notes incessantly for the entire ride.
- Sell cookies door-to-door, except there are no doors and nobody can leave.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
- Shave.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, “Got enough air in there?”
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper, “Ever had a Wet Willy?”
- Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you “Admiral.”
- One word: flatulence!
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I've got new socks on.”
- When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back, “Oh no, not now - motion sickness!”
- Hand out pamphlets to each passenger.
- Burp, then say, “Mmmm... tasty!”
- Meow occasionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Frown and mutter, “Gotta go, gotta go,” then sigh and say, “Oops!”
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing a nursery rhyme while continuously pushing buttons.
- Holler, “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
- Walk on with a cooler that says “Human Head” on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, “You're one of THEM!” and move to the far corner.
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
- Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers “through” it.
- Start a sing-along.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, “Is that your beeper?”
- Play the accordion.
- Shadow box.
- Say “Ding!” at each floor.
- Lean against the button panel.
- Say, “I wonder what all these do?” and push ALL the buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
- Bring a chair along.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Announce in a demonic voice, “I must find a more suitable host body.”
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Wear novelty X-ray glasses and leer knowingly at other passengers.
- Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it's getting bigger.”
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, “BAD TOUCH!”
Send It Up (or Down)
This page is a greeting in itself - share the link with anyone who works above the third floor. For more workplace mischief, see 15 Ways to Annoy Your Co-Workers and the infamous Sick Leave Policy, or ride back down to the jokes lobby.